ok oh my fucking god so today my counsellor and i were sitting in the school office and two teachers were talking about one of their relatives dick who died and he owned a farm and he literally fucking said “so now i’m gonna be runnin the dick farm” and i turned to my 60 year old counsellor and whispered “the dick farm" and she fell off her fuckign chair laughing
whoever created chinese food is my hero
probably the chinese
last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up
I WAS TAKING A SELFIE AND WAS GONNA MAKE A TEXT POST SAYING HI I’M PETER PAN BUT MY GRANDMA SAW ME AND I’VE NEVER BEEN SO TERRIFIED AND THIS HAPPENED
Jake that’s a pot…
You’re a pot.
can i sell my feelings on ebay i don’t want them anymore
"I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough."
— I have become rather fearful I suppose. (via dollpoetry)
I hate being told to do something I was already planning on doing
like I was all about doing this task, and then you told me to do it and now i am annoyed and this task is now 300x less likely to be completed